We are told that the pursuit of happiness is a short journey if we learn to appreciate what we have…
Have you ever looked at someone who seemed to have far less than you have, and looked a million times happier? I have.

I began to read a book entitled “A simple guide to Zen Buddhism.” In this book, I read about Buddhism and its central teachings, The Four Noble Truths. These are the teachings of the Buddha after experiencing enlightment. One of these truths is the truth of suffering; which is fully recognizing suffering in its various forms, in our life and the life of others. The second truth, is the origin of suffering. The suffering we experience comes from within ourselves, the longing, wanting, and wishfulness for something different; something we do not have. It is different than physical pain, it is pain of the heart, the mind. He noted that we may sometimes have physical pain and yet we remain happy, or we may have no physical pain and suffer pain within the heart and mind. The way that we cease the pain that such suffering brings is by experiencing this moment to its fullest. Sometimes, we suffer because we fail to realize that sadness, dissatisfaction, disappointment, etc. is a part of life. I think, sometimes perhaps more than not, we focus more in the anguish and the sadness. Maybe we experience it more passionately, unaware. We always seek to find happiness, and many times we do find it. But happiness ,much like pain, is temporary and until we come to realize this -then we will be on our way to finding true happiness.
Happiness is living in such a way that you do not cause harm to others, or yourself. In staying in touch with this experiences of the “timeless” instead of living in an anxious world of hopes and fears…

Much like a quote I read once, “No mires hacia atras con ira, ni hacia delante con miedo, mejor mira hacia tu alrededor con atencion.” – Do not look back in anger, nor forward with fear, instead look around you with attention…

These are the thoughts that overtook my mind early morning,when most were sleeping. I found myself sitting in the center of a living room, after having tossed and turned for some time I finally gave in. As I got up an unforgiving feeling of ambivalence took control. As if a switch had been flipped on, memories that lurked in the darkest part of my mind submerged. Feelings, weakness; they took over as my mind betrayed me. In a weak attempt to clear out the noise, I tried to shush my thoughts. I reminded myself that having been broken or failing at something does not mean irreparable or beyond repair. What more can I wish for than to have the satisfaction of knowing I tried the best I could at something? As I once read, to be broken is not a bad thing, it means you have tried for something. Still, here again was the feeling of longing for something that I have discarded as something necessary in my life; a companion. The conflict of feelings emerged from the wanting to have someone listen, not like a friend or a family member, but as a partner; as my missing half. The part of me thats missing, the missing piece to my puzzle. And then, there was the other feeling, the one of my obsession with freedom, with exploration with solitude; the conflict in desire for love and understanding accompanied by the fear of the unknown -the change the letting go of freedom, of myself…

Knowing well where this had lead before, I opted for meditation, the one which never fails to save me. There is something that is eerie and eternal about meditating. It brings me clarity renewal; solitude. My mind is cleared of doubt, even if for just that moment, I am able to regain lost field, to think clearly. And I am reminded why I chose the path I chose. I think of solitude, and I think of peace, clarity. As selfish as it may sound, being alone, brings me a sort of warmth that is hard to explain. I do no question it, the silence is almost like a sort of rhythm that matches my heart. It is my sort of company. In meditation, everything ceases to exist. The thing about meditating, or as I say “blocking out the noise”, is that you hear nothing but yourself. No one else, you don’t become lost in the voices of others, in the sight of others, it is you and only you. While I believe that love is beautiful, and the savior of many, it can be expressed and lived in many forms. And I think that experiencing the love of a partner is not for everyone. You have to find that which suits you best. Some people are better with someone and ,dare I say it, some are better alone. I want to fall in love with life, experiences, sights; with everything… with absolutely everything.

After meditating, I had this urge to walk, to feel the world around me, and so, with the moonlight as my companion I took into the almost darkness of the night. I felt it sweep me off my feet, and I was content. I think when I give in to the thought of longing for someone, I become confused. As Buddhism notes, we bring suffering to ourselves by longing for that which we do not have. And it is when I begin to listen to the ideas of having someone that I become confused and wish for that “missing piece.” I think, If I ever gave in and finally allowed someone in, when I change my mind, I would have used that person as a scratching post for my emotions. That’s not how it is supposed to work. What is wrong, I wonder, with wanting to live alone? It has almost become a sort of taboo to even speak of such… I think it is better to live in solitude then to use someone as an escape from fear of living alone. Instead of waiting for someone or some feeling to save me, I decided to save myself. And so, I conclude then that, like I once read; “We deserve to be alone, rather than staying together, only because we are afraid we’d be destroyed if we don’t…”